{"id":7544,"date":"2023-07-14T13:34:50","date_gmt":"2023-07-14T18:34:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/?p=7544"},"modified":"2023-07-14T13:34:50","modified_gmt":"2023-07-14T18:34:50","slug":"meet-my-bobs-i-bet-you-have-one-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/2023\/07\/14\/meet-my-bobs-i-bet-you-have-one-too\/","title":{"rendered":"Meet My Bobs \u2026 I Bet You Have One Too"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019ve had two Bobs with cancer in my life.\u00a0\u00a0Both, representing a different time during my cancer journey, but equally touching my heart.\u00a0\u00a0The first, from Saint Louis, I met back in 2018.\u00a0\u00a0We were both going through the hospital registration process at Barnes Jewish Hospital on the same day.\u00a0\u00a0Eric and I said hi, introduced\u00a0ourselves<\/a>\u00a0and moved on.\u00a0\u00a0An hour of paperwork later we found ourselves on the same elevator.\u00a0\u00a0Weird, exiting off the elevator we realized both of us were checking into the bone marrow transplant unit.\u00a0\u00a0Bob for a transplant to beat a stubborn leukemia, me for a phase I clinical trial using my own cells and an added protein to start fighting the cancer cells back. If all went well, I would be there for 2-4 weeks and he would be calling the hospital home for the next 90 days.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0It ended that we were only 3 rooms apart and I said hi from the hallway during my daily walks.\u00a0\u00a0Neither of us could be too close \u2026 germs. My transplant had a few less restrictions and I was at least allowed hallway allowances.\u00a0\u00a0We both had days where we struggled, but cheerfully brought our smiles to their best when we crossed paths.\u00a0\u00a0As anticipated, I was discharged before Bob and we sent our love as we decorated his door prior to departure.\u00a0\u00a0His wife, Jeanne kept me up to date through texts regarding his progress.\u00a0\u00a0Day 100 and he graduated to home as well.\u00a0\u00a0Bob and I kept in touch, although mostly through Jeanne as his overall health struggled to find its way back to something resembling normal.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we were both frequent hospital fliers, we ran into each other at the cancer clinic fairly frequently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bob was visibly losing his battle as complication after complication continued to arise.  Nonetheless, he always had a smile for me and was quick to make me feel so special.  Bob\u2019s fight eventually came to an end, but I can\u2019t imagine anyone having a better welcome to heaven as the kind heart of Bob.  Here is the thing, Bob and I hadn\u2019t been friends forever and we were at least a generation apart in age, but his death gutted me.  Perhaps even harder because while we hadn\u2019t been friends since childhood, we were battle buddies and I expected both of us to beat this thing. Statistics to shit, we both deserved to still be here.  I keep a picture of us in my room reminding me how lucky I am to have met so many amazing people along this journey.  Including Bob, who the anticipation of making his day brighter, could get me out of bed when even Eric couldn\u2019t.  I know it sounds strange, but I still miss him every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the last few years, after being through hell and back, I\u2019ve kind of won the cancer lottery.\u00a0\u00a0There are absolutely zero statistics supporting that I should still be here.\u00a0\u00a0I have made so many forever friends that have touched my heart and continue to daily although they have passed on. I haven\u2019t really figured out my complete stance on what happens after we die. Or, why some people are given more time and other, sometimes more amazing individuals, have to leave way to soon.\u00a0\u00a0I do know that there has to be a God of some sort that provides time and miracles for people like me.\u00a0\u00a0I haven\u2019t quite figured out why there is still so much loss and heartbreak for amazing people like Bob.\u00a0\u00a0Clinical trials, transplants, and all the crazy attempts that we participate in to prolong life are an absolute battlefield and most days it\u2019s hard to figure out why some make it while others don\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I bring up my second Bob because his heart is just as big as my first.\u00a0\u00a0His wife and him spend their summers at the lake with us.\u00a0\u00a0Bob is quiet and loves long days fishing appreciating the solitude a long, lazy day only summer can provide.\u00a0\u00a0Nonetheless, the man has the patience of a saint.\u00a0\u00a0We have always spent summers at my mom\u2019s lake house whether I was on treatment or not.\u00a0\u00a0Many days, while I was dreaming of nothing, but finding a way to nap the day away, you would find Bob patiently teaching one kid to fish.\u00a0\u00a0Their normal 10 minute attention span expanding for Bob to at least an hour.\u00a0\u00a0Bob is quick to help literally anyone, but most notably my family.\u00a0\u00a0Mechanic problems, general hard labor or volunteering to hang out with our dogs.\u00a0\u00a0He was recently diagnosed with not 1, but 2 primary cancers.\u00a0\u00a0Surgery has occurred and radiation is pending, but he also statistically has a prognosis of a great outcome.\u00a0\u00a0Currently though, he has lost weight, is tired and trying to stay out of the sun (opposite of his personality).\u00a0\u00a0But, guess what?\u00a0\u00a0Last week when we were talking about his treatment plan he kept saying, \u201cbut it\u2019s nothing compared to what you have gone through.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Bob, let me tell you\u2026. you\u2019ve gone through all of the important things with me now.\u00a0\u00a0We are cancer buddies.\u00a0\u00a0The club that no one wants to be apart of. As soon as the diagnosis of cancer is whispered, the feeling of fear, anxiety and pain in your\u00a0gut never truly goes away.\u00a0\u00a0It can be quieted, like loss, by time, but it bubbles right under the surface.\u00a0\u00a0Battle buddies all the way.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Because of Bob\u2019s big heart, I know he will always be more worried about others more than himself.\u00a0\u00a0The same way I am.\u00a0\u00a0The anxiety I get before Emalee or Taylor have\u00a0\u00a0a scan.\u00a0\u00a0The prayers I send for all the ladies post cancer that I teach exercise class to.\u00a0\u00a0Bobs got this and Taylor and Emalee will also continue to kick cancer\u2019s ass, but I can\u2019t wait for the day my prayers can be sent back to the small things.\u00a0\u00a0Until then, I\u2019m still figuring out how to balance ALL of this worry and love.\u00a0\u00a0To put all the prayers up to something bigger at night, close my eyes and hand it all over.\u00a0\u00a0Give us a shout out if you have it all figured out.\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m confident most of us don\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0I do know that I miss you like crazy Bob.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I also know that my other Bob is going to continue to kick cancer\u2019s ass.\u00a0\u00a0Everything is so dang complicated, as is most things in life I suppose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Until next time \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe I will magically have all the answers \u2026 probably not \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

XOXO,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Becky<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve had two Bobs with cancer in my life.\u00a0\u00a0Both, representing a different time during my cancer journey, but equally touching my heart.\u00a0\u00a0The first, from Saint Louis, I met back in 2018.\u00a0\u00a0We were both going through the hospital registration process at Barnes Jewish Hospital on the same day.\u00a0\u00a0Eric and I said hi, introduced\u00a0ourselves\u00a0and moved on.\u00a0\u00a0An hour […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":7545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7544"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7544"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7544\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7548,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7544\/revisions\/7548"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loveblackbird.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}